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The internet is awesome. I mean that in both the correct way and the colloquial one. The internet is awesome because it’s HUGE and ever-expanding and it KNOWS EVERYTHING. Seriously. It knows more stuff than your mum does. I know this because the other day I asked my mother whether she knew how to make Eggs Benedict and she didnt, then I asked the internet and it told me. The internet is also awesome because it has (OVER 9000!) photos of cats doing cute things, and people saying funny things like all my base are belong to them, and there are videos of people doing funny dances in front of their webcams and then becoming instant celebrities.

And then the internet is awesome because it’s full of wonderful people who are happy to discuss lofty things like existentialism and quantum physics. Michio Kaku is there, on YouTube, explaining string theory. I mean, if it’s good enough for Michio, right?

Now just give me five minutes because this video on string theory is actually pretty interesting.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. The internet is awesome but it’s really distracting. It’s distracting because it’s so fantastic. Who would want to write a research paper on the benefits of using questionnaires in qualitative data collection processes when you can listen to Tuvan throat singers instead, while you read the latest instalment of XKCD and when the people of your country have finally cultivated a funny bone and they’re actually pretty hilarious? Really.

That the internet poses a distraction is not news at all. But is the internet actually, in a measurable and observable way, messing with our brains and making us stupid?

Nicholas Carr thinks so. In his 2008 article, Is Google Making Us Stupid, Carr laments that, much like HAL from 2001:A Space Odyssey, his “mind is going… [he] can feel it”. He feels an “uncomfortable sense” that somebody is “tinkering with [his] brain… remapping the neural circuitry, reprogramming the memory..”.

Carr argues that he can remember a time not too long ago where immersing himself in a single piece of text for a number of hours was an easy task. He describes his long, self-indulgent, Wordsworthian walks and wanderings in the various folds and crevices of prose. Now, he complains, after two or three pages, he gets fidgety. He feels like he needs to be doing something else.

See, maybe it’s because I’m younger than Carr by a few decades, but this all sounds like ludditism to me. I’ve always been a bookworm and have never had a problem sinking my teeth into a good book. Sure, I check my email once or twice in the process, and sure sometimes I have to read a page twice because I start thinking about something else, like pie. Or Pi.

But surely that’s just a symptom of… you know… being human. Or maybe it’s because that book you’re reading isn’t terribly exciting.

And if I read less now than I used to a few years ago, that’s probably because I keep taking on new things to do in my leisure time. Like blog. Or cook. Or study for a Masters degree. Which means that perhaps I need to prioritise my activities.

Anyway, distraction is something we’ve always had to grapple with. It’s the way the brain works. All those pathways. All that knowledge to be had. I’d go so far to say that if you weren’t getting at least a little distracted then maybe something’s wrong because surely as humans our quest is to seek more, more, more knowledge.

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[Does the Internet Make You Smarter?,an online excerpt from his book, Cognitive Surplus:

“The present is, as noted, characterized by lots of throwaway cultural artifacts, but the nice thing about throwaway material is that it gets thrown away. This issue isn’t whether there’s lots of dumb stuff online—there is, just as there is lots of dumb stuff in bookstores. The issue is whether there are any ideas so good today that they will survive into the future. Several early uses of our cognitive surplus, like open source software, look like they will pass that test.”

And as for distraction? We can choose to ignore the distractions, either through sheer will power or by installing software which will block certain distracting sites like Facebook and Twitter during specified hours where we really do need to get cracking on that assignment. That’s it. Nobody’s shoving lolcats down your throat. You’re the one working the straw.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, this cat looks like he’s eating a cheezburger.

Multiple times a day, I log into Facebook, WordPress and Twitter. I write down my thoughts. I share links and photos. The internet knows more about me than many of my friends do, because some of my friends may have forgotten that I can speak French, am allergic to artichokes and I don’t like people who end their sentences with the statement “Fact!”.

My friends may not remember a particular photo until they see it or it is described to them. The internet recalls it in the blink of an eye.

Slowly, my life is becoming digitized – an archive of moments, of opinions, of mundane statements or observations I may make.

Some people feel threatened by this idea. They are overcome by the dramatic Man Vs Machine sentiment, which is part of our zeitgeist. They are certain the end is nigh! The particularly paranoid among us will imagine computers developing minds of their own and using our information against us. Soon, Will Smith will rise from the ashes, cute dog in tow, and single-handedly rescue us from those evil robots/zombies/robot-zombie combos.

Can you imagine? So intense is our need to shift the blame that we anthropomorphize computers. So profound is our forgetful nature that we fail to remember we are the ones to blame.

There, I said it.

Bear with me. So you went for a job interview but didn’t get hired because your potential employer Googled your name and saw you dressed up as a pirate holding a cup of what may or may not have been booze and thought that might be a little inappropriate for somebody who hoped to be, as a teacher, a role model to impressionable children. And you’re surprised why, exactly?

When, during that hungover morning after, you logged onto to Facebook/Myspace/Twitter/etc and actively, of your own free will, clicked ‘UPLOAD’, did you not realise that image would be up on the net forever and ever and ever? Surely everybody knows that by now. Nobody reached into your computer and pulled out that photo and plastered it online. You did that yourself. Surely your lack of responsibility should be chided here – not the internet’s memory.

Look, if you want to install a ‘FORGET’ button on your social media network, like Delete suggests, then go for it. It’s another choice we get to make and I’m all for choice.

But surely there is a lesson to learn here, and that lesson is one we learnt even before the internet, before social media: Every action has a consequence.

And maybe instead of just freaking out about how doomed we are, we should make damned sure that people realise when they click UPLOAD or POST exactly what they are doing.

After Facebook changed for the umpteenth time last week and people went mad yet again because they had to adjust to yet another way of doing things and nobody really likes change, really, there was a copy&paste status doing the rounds, particularly favoured by those angry types who like to do things in ALL CAPS BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU SO MUCH MORE AUTHORITATIVE AND CREDIBLE.

And this is how it went:

FACEBOOK HAS CHANGED AGAIN IN A WAY MOST OF US DO NOT LIKE. TO COUNTER THIS TO THE DEGREE THAT WE CAN, WE ARE GOING TO NEED TO CO-OPERATE. PLEASE DO ME A FAVOUR AND MOVE YOUR MOUSE OVER MY NAME HERE, WAIT FOR THE BOX TO LOAD AND THEN MOVE YOUR MOUSE OVER THE “SUBSCRIBE” LINK. THEN UNCHECK THE “COMMENTS AND LIKES”. I WOULD PREFER THAT MY COMMENTS ON FRIENDS AND FAMILIES POSTS NOT BE MADE PUBLIC, SOMETHING THAT IS NO LONGER POSSIBLE TO CONTROL FROM THE USER-END OF THINGS ON FACEBOOK CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? THEN, PLEASE RE-POST THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT YOUR EVERY SINGLE MOVE POSTED ON THE RIGHT SIDE IN THE “TICKER BOX” FOR EVERYONE TO SEE! IF EVERYONE DOES THIS AND HELPS EACH OTHER OUT BY REPOSTING THIS MESSAGE, IT WILL HELP SWING THINGS BACK IN OUR PRIVACY INTERESTS, THAT IS ‘WE’ THE FB USERS, RATHER THAN THOSE OF FB MANAGEMENT.

My reply?

To all you people going on about turning off subscriptions so we can’t see your comments on the newsfeed on the right: If it’s that private, it should NOT be on Facebook. Everything you post on Facebook WILL be broadcast to your friends and you agree to that as soon as you hit ‘Post’. Just sayin.

Right? If it’s on Facebook, it’s fairplay. You put it there.

But let me get back to the point. Maybe if we’re so scared of the world being machinized and permanently memorized forever so that kids 4000 years from now will examine your status updates with the same fascination that we examine cave drawings, perhaps we should begin to actually exercise our humanity DESPITE this.

I’m talking about forgiveness. I’m talking about not blowing things out of proportion. I’m talking about being an employer who can actually look past a cup of Schrodinger’s booze on the internet when employing somebody and maybe remember that you’re no stranger to a pint of beer despite being an influential headmaster and all that.

I’m talking about not sweating the small stuff, even though it’s there and you know it.

Surely that is more powerful and humanizing than being so embarrassed we resort to deleting the internet.