As of a few months ago, I have found myself newly-single for the first time in four years.
At first, it was daunting. Although I was lucky to have had enough distance and time and space to be able to heal properly – a blessing many people don’t get. I am also lucky enough to be living with my best friend, who indulged my need to sit, watch sad films and eat pizza for a while before she dragged me out to start enjoying myself again.
Since moving to Dublin, I have made quite a few female friends, some of whom happen to be single like me. And so, naturally, the conversation frequently turns to the subject: what do you look for in a man? I’m talking long-term here. Or at least, something meaningful. Not somebody you dance with in the corner of some club and then promptly forget their name.
Now obviously, I can’t account for everyone’s tastes. Variety, as they say, is the spice of life and this is by no means a definitive list; however, it’s safe to say that my friends and I all seem to agree on the following to some extent.
Mmmm. Brains. Okay, so maybe I’m putting my personal bias here, but it’s a good one, right? I want a man I can talk to. But I mean really talk to. Somebody who enjoys reading, who enjoys discussion, who enjoys learning. Even if he isn’t interested in all the things I’m interested in and vice versa, I want to be able to learn from him. (However, if you ARE a man with an interest in Modernist poetry, theoretical physics, music, cinema, photography, neurology, psychology, theatre and literature, then please call me xD).
My friends all seem to agree. There is something very sexy about a man who can hold his own in a conversation about anything. You just /know/ you’ll never be bored with a man like that.
Look: I’m not going to pretend we girls don’t care about appearances. We do. It’s in our nature, just as much as it is in men’s. BUT! We don’t expect everybody to look like Michael Fassbender (that would be slightly intimidating). We DO, however, expect you to look the best that you can. Take what you have and run with it. Get yourself a good haircut. Buy some clothes that suit you. For goodness’ sake, don’t dress like a teenage boy past the age of 18. It’s just sad. Very sad. Hint: Every man looks spectacular in a well-tailored suit.
Yes, we want you to feel comfortable around us, but we also want to be treated like a fellow human. Which means Please and Thank You are always appreciated. And please, if you think making sexist remarks or jokes is “cool”, you’re an idiot.
Good Sense of Humour
Ah, the ubiquitous GSOH. The way I see it, we are attracted to men who can see the lighter side of any situation. When we laugh, the body releases happy hormones and we associate that lovely giddy feeling with you. Hence our constant search for the man with a good sense of humour. You don’t have to be Eddie Izzard – just be yourself.
We like men to have purpose and goals in life, like we do. Being strong, independent people, we want a partner we don’t have to hold up all the time. Our men need to have their own ambitions, interests, hobbies. We want somebody who has a personality strong enough that they don’t need us to complete them. The idea of somebody completing you is not romantic – it’s needy. What you should really be looking for is somebody to complement you.
Ladies – am I right? Anything else you look for in a partner?