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Ok, I’m not going to lie to you. Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) are really freaking hard. They are. You always have to work to make a relationship work, but when it’s over a distance it’s double the work. I should know. I am in one, and have been for almost five months now. But I’m pleased to tell you that not every LDR is doomed. If you’re really, and I mean really, dedicated to the relationship, distance is just an obstacle you have to find your way around.
Deadlines
By this I mean you should always know when you’ll next meet. Some couples are lucky enough to visit each other every weekend. Andrew and I see each other every six weeks or so but it’s important to always know when your next meeting is, so that you can both look forward to it. If you don’t have a ‘deadline’ it might seem like you’re floating around for nothing. Both of you should be doing your best to meet whenever it is possible. If you have a long weekend or cheap flights are out, book that trip. When you DO meet,
Stick to the rules
Despite the distance, this is the same old relationship. The rules you established at the beginning still apply. If you are a monogamous couple, then distance is no excuse for being unfaithful. Sure, there will be times you miss holding your partner, but you can’t try and replace that feeling by cheating. And don’t think your partner is less likely to find out if you are unfaithful during an LDR… everybody knows the truth always has a way of surfacing. My advice to you is to take action at the first sign of trouble. If there is somebody you have been spending time with and find yourself attracted to, nip it in the bud before something happens, not after it is too late. Otherwise, perhaps you should re-evaluate and re-consider whether you should be in this relationship.
Keep the romance alive
Now more than ever you need to be romantic. Send sweet text messages to each other. Send love letters in the post. Send little presents in the post. Be creative.
Talk a lot
Set ‘dates’ to video call each other. There is no excuse: Facetime, Ooovoo and Skype are all fantastic, FREE, services. You should be texting each other anyway (Whatsapp is great for free messages), but it is really important that you make time to see each other and hear each other’s voices several times a week. I refer to them as ‘dates’ – set a time and stick to it. You wouldn’t stand each your partner up on a ‘real’ date so don’t do it on a virtual date. I know a couple who used to watch movies together over Skype. Once a week they would each open a bottle of wine and light a candle and have a little romantic dinner. Also, save your arguments (if any) for video calls. It’s really, REALLY easy to misunderstand somebody’s tone over a text message.
Be honest with each other
If something about the arrangement is bothering you, then discuss it as soon as possible. Don’t keep it in until you next meet each other. You know how bottling things up has a way of biting you in the ass because you begin to overthink things and create more issues for you to be concerned about. Be civil but make sure you are honest about your feelings.
Be honest with yourself
Not all LDRs are doomed to fail but weak relationships will. If you keep thinking about leaving your partner, or being unfaithful, or find yourself lying then maybe you should think about whether you really want to be in this relationship. Be fair and don’t lead people on if there is no spark left.
Are you in a long distance relationship? What do you do to make it work?
